My mother always said I was a bit of a talented writer. Which writer and what bit exactly I am unsure. I am leaning, however, towards Orwell’s knees (as, indeed, Orwell himself regularly did just prior to his death from tuberculosis in 1946).

Letters are important. Imagine ordering tickets to the cotillion from a box of ice. Or cooling your iced tea in a box office? It wouldn’t work, and I was a fool to try. So what would happen to our most beloved reality television if you were to simply change a letter?

So You Think You Can Lance?

Episode 1: “Joust Challenge”. Episode 2: “Boils! Boils! Boils!”. Episode 3: “The Guy From Neighbours (i.e. can you be him?)”

The Biggest Hoser

Contestants are challenged each week to extinguish a small containable grease fire using hoses of various gauges and pressures.

Veal or No Veal?

Vegans must chose the faux-leather briefcase from a line up of genuine leather briefcases.

Life Think terminated due to back pain

e-rony: http://www.unemployed.com is working

1. “Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.”

2…

…1345. “Like a robot dolphin through this flaming hoop, so are the days of our lives. Freaking sweet.”

1346. “Very much like this well [show picture of an ancient wishing well with Leprechaun standing near it], this show is going very well; very much like the days of our lives.” [this last bit should be said in an Irish accent]

1347. “Like jogging with your underwear full of sand in a metaphorical triathlon from hell, so are the days of our lives.”

1348. “See all this stuff on last year’s calendar? Most of these were the days of our lives. I should really throw this out.”

1348. “I’m pretty sure these are the days of our lives. Or is it these? Wait, let me get my glasses.”

1349. “Hey, who didn’t wipe their feet and dragged sand into the house? Oh, it was the days of our lives.”

1350. “Yeah, that pile of timber and rubbish over there. Yeah. Next to that, that’s where I last saw the days of our lives, officer.”

1351. “Like the battery power on my Casio watch, so are the days of our lives. You can’t buy these damn batteries anymore either so it’s even more apt.”

Life Think #57: Rashernal

September 7, 2009

Do you think Kevin Bacon impersonators are called Kevin Facons?

Life Think #56: Swine Flute

September 1, 2009

Life is like a flute. Long, hollow, annoying and both involve breathing.