• Specialist Senior Airman Bay Leaf’s reticent Intestines Band
  • Master Gunnery Sergeant Basil’s isolated Prostates Club Band
  • Fleet Admiral Peppercorn’s unescorted Wombgroins Club Band
  • Senior Chief Petty Officer Cayenne Pepper’s forsaken pituitary glands Club Band
  • Commandant of the Coast Guard Cumin’s companionless Gall bladders Club Band
  • Chief Warrant Officer Curry Powder’s barren Ovaries Club Band
  • Private First Class Dill’s widowed Pancreas Club Band
  • Chief of Naval Operations Nutmeg’s cast off Livers Club Band
  • Rear Admiral Oregano’s introverted Testicles Club Band
  • Colonel Commander Rosemary’s desolate Brains Club Band
  • Brigadier General Sage’s abandoned Spleens Club Band
  • 2nd Lieutenant Ensign Thyme’s solitary Pancreas Club Band

I love the Olympics. It’s the only time I can legitimately use the phrase: “canoeing glory”.

Life Think #53: Hot Caucus

August 23, 2009

Why do politicians against gay marriage always talk about their “man date”?

Life Think #52: Beer Today

August 20, 2009


Handy Keyboard Shortcuts:

Insert + ~

A reluctant Tilda Swinton cameos in yet another Narnia film

Shift + Space

Puts all NASA calculations out by one, causing senior technical analyst Robert Le Gallant to push his delinquent son into a table of hors d’ oeuvres at his wife’s Tupperware party.

Page Up + Page Down

Page becomes self-aware and writes gothic poetry

Break + Enter + Home + Esc + ? + #

Former child actor Todd Bridges assuages guilt over a previous felony by smoking 1/8 of a gram of marijuana

All Keys at Once

Alecia Keys vomits a small portion of a partially digested vegetarian foccacia in her mouth during a concert.

If I ever met Wil Anderson I’d say “More like Won’t Anderson” and click my fingers in a Z-shape, then do that thing with my legs that dogs do after they pee.

Sometimes when I run for the train and just miss the doors I think of screaming out “Don’t go! I love you!” to change the moment for onlookers from pathetic to romantic.

Spanish Homeowner: “Mi Casa Su Casa”

Spanish Student: “Mi Goreng Su Goreng”

My computer got a virus. It was PC gone mad.