Life think #7: Ironic Curtain

February 27, 2009

If I ever wrote a German history book I would open with the following sentence: “When it came to the issue of the Berlin Wall, it was impossible to sit on the fence.”

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My body is a Wonderlanddilapidated, unprofitable, near Rooty Hill Station and with a Demon in it.

Life Thinks RSS Feed

February 23, 2009

If you use Google Reader or similar aggregator the Life Thinks RSS feed is available here:

http://feeds2.feedburner.com/LifeThinks

(Just copy and paste into your “Add a subscription”)

Bob Dylan - Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

Bob Dylan - Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

Don Maclean - American Pie

Don Maclean - American Pie

Radiohead - Pyramid Song

Radiohead - Pyramid Song

Madonna - American Pie

Madonna - American Pie

Michael Bublé should do a Ratatat-style collaborative album with famous rappers and call it Bublé Wrap.

ARTISTS. Everyone hates them. So it was with some pleasure I discovered this William St innovation:

East Sydney Academy of Arts and Loans

East Sydney Academy of Arts and Loans

Wonder no more when you see a placard next to an artwork proclaiming “On loan from artist”.

In a world where the Oxford Dictionary defines an artist as “anyone in a pub using the macro setting on their semi-professional DSLR, which was paid for by their parents, to take a photo of a schooner glass, instead of talking to their god-awful friends”, it was with some trepidation that I participated in an art project on Thursday night. Or as I shall henceforth refer to it: ARTicipate©.

The last time I ARTicipated was at First Draft Gallery. The moderator commenced an aiming-to-be-convivial-Q&A-style-just-rapping-about-life-and-art-session with two questions:

  1. “We’re all from Surry Hills, right?”
  2. “We’re all from an arts background, right?”

Needless to say, the four people in attendance had a great night.

Tip for curators

If you’re planning to hold such a session, Sciensticians have calculated that only 15% of people will be willing to ARTicipate. Let’s break that down:

n = 0.15 x (a) x (b)

Where

a = number of people in attendance

b = alcoefficient (0.1 – 0.5)

n = number of people willing to ARTicipate

Applying the above formula to our evening at First Draft we learn:

0.15 x 4 x 0.3 = 0.18 people willing to ARTicipate (or a small toddler, whose constant questioning of “Why?” will surely enrage even the most placid contemporary artist, when an answer containing the word “subjective” is neither understood or acceptable).

We also learn that the solution to a lack of ARTicipation is definitely not to log your MacBook Pro onto your Myspace page and show photos of you and your boyfriend engaged in coitus.

To those who say I am jealous or uncreative please note: When I was seven-years-old I took a balloon into the shower.

<Blog entry terminated due to slothfulness>

Life Think #2: Pepsi Le Pew

February 12, 2009

I think Pepsi should release bottled water and call it Pepsi Min: Minimum Cola Taste with No Sugar.

Life Think #1: Shoe Shoes…

February 11, 2009

Japanese children learn to respect the rules of my favourite eatery at an early age

Cute Japanese children learn to respect the rules of my favourite eatery from an early age

The following review of popular Kings Cross Japanese restaurant – Ju Ju – was found here:


“This is one restaurant I will never visit again. I attended this restaurant on a Friday night with my partner (who has walking disability) and a group of friends. After helping my partner down the steps to the restaurant while my friends brought down her wheelchair, the lady at the front desk requested we take off our shoes when entering as it was the rules.

Now I fully appreciate the customs and rules, but I politely told the waitress that my partner had a disability and could not remove her shoes. To my disbelief, the waitress said No and that she needed to remove her shoes. After reiterating the point, she went to inform the staff and he stood there looking at us shaking his head; he said to me that she needed to remove her shoes as the other patrons would be upset.

I repeated myself several times that she couldn’t and after sternly making my point probably the Seventh time, then were we allowed to enter. He looked upset and only allowed us in because he was afraid I would make a scene. My partner has never encountered before. The restaurant should consider themselves very lucky as the group I was with were lawyers and I’m now considering what options I may press.

The food on the other hand was like KFC without the seven herbs and spices, it was greasy and unreasonably priced. Probably would have had a better time at KFC itself. Don’t expect good service here, not only are they arrogant, discriminating and rude, but clumsy as hell. They kept dropping food all over the place.

Be warned, no worth it. There are much better Japanese restaurants.”

– Lawyer1

Lawyer1 just can’t forgive the Japanese for bombing Darwin, can he? Suddenly, the simplest task becomes the ultimate struggle against the yellow menace. Not satisfied with the A-bomb dropped on their grandparent’s heads, Lawyer1 is now determined to drop an F-bomb (the F stands for footwear) on the unsuspecting Ju Ju staff.

Now I’m all for groups of obnoxious disability lawyers and their partners enjoying a nice meal of Japanese food (actually, I’m not for this at all and couldn’t care less what they eat), but what sort of disability prevents a person from removing their shoes? Unless the “walking disability” (read: lazy legs) was the result of one’s shoes being permanently fused to one’s foot in an unsolicited tragic-yet-also-comedic-hot-coal-walking-incident-in-Bali, in which case I apologise.

Make no mistake, if you go around not only sternly making points but counting them as you do so (Seven) in what I imagine would be a whiny and rising inflection you are a jerk. Being the swell, upstanding guy I am I normally lose count of my stern points around four (most of my stern points are also contained within parentheses).